Kia ora lovely humans!
I want to share a secret with you…
I want to share with you the one thing that has influenced my parenting the most. I’d go so far as to say it’s been life changing for me, for my husband and our whānau overall. My husband does it too. And when we don’t do it, we really notice that it impacts on our mental health and our ability to show up for our children, each other and ourselves.
It’s a listening partnership. Aware Parenting recognises that in order for parents to be able to meet the needs of their children more of the time, we need to get our needs met more of the time too. And if we want to listen empathetically to our children, we need to be getting that same listening ourselves. We can’t give what we don’t receive. In Hand in Hand Parenting, this takes form in a listening partnership.
It’s a little different to what you might think…
I’ve had listening partnerships throughout my parenting journey with different people. It’s been over email, voice message and is currently a phone call scheduled once a week. In all cases, it has been people who I haven’t known beforehand, or haven’t known very well. It has always been a parent that follows similar parenting philosophies to me. It’s someone outside of my relationship, friends and family. And this is where most of the liberation comes from.
We each take a turn to talk - in my partnership at the moment, it’s 15 minutes each (with the option to extend by 2 minutes if we’re in flow and need to get a little bit more out). It’s a safe space for us to laugh, vent, rage, cry and say all the things we want to but might not be able to. And it doesn’t have to be specific to parenting - it could be about anything going on in your life. The other person’s role is only to listen - they don’t fix anything, give you advice, insert their story in yours, or give you their opinion. They just reflect back and validate your experience and your feelings. Having this space to say whatever’s on your mind unhindered is amazing (keen to complete a full thought out there parents?!). And often, when you’ve released the emotion, the way forward will present itself to you or you’ll come to some conclusion or realisation all on your own. The principles of a listening partnership is that we all have it within us to navigate the tricky things in our lives.
At first, I was worried about having a listening partnership. In the past, I tended to really “take on” what people would talk to me about and I was worried that this could get heavy for me, carrying around other people’s challenges… but, this way of listening is totally revolutionary. You are not there to solve anything, just listen, reflect and validate. That’s it. You don’t carry anything about their story forward with you. It’s their story, and your story is your own. They also don’t carry any of your story around with them. You are not a burden. You are worthy of support. You are worthy of being listened to. Your feelings are valid. Your needs are important.
I’d love to hear how this lands for you - would you be keen to give it a go?
Send me an email if you’re keen for me to send you a listening partnership guide and put you in touch with where you can find your own listening partner.
It. Is. A. game. Changer.
Specific parenting support:
If you’re wanting specific support, I offer Parenting Support, travelling right back to your fertility, pregnancy, birth and postpartum journey. Check out more on my website here: https://www.honouringmama.com/parenting-support
Send me your questions:
Send me an email reply if you’d like me to answer a specific question next month.
Finally, your Mama melody for the month! The processing and healing I’ve been able to navigate through my listening partnership has been amazing and these beautiful souls totally get it - Breathe it in - by Beautiful chorus
Aroha nui Māmā,
Kirsty
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