Kia ora lovely humans!
We just spent a month travelling around the South Island in a caravan and I didn’t prepare sufficiently. We had the food, the bedding, the spreadsheet with the itinerary, the clothes packed…all the physical stuff we needed to support us. What we didn’t spend enough time on, before the trip was preparing our emotional space. Of expanding our capacity for listening, for patience, for holding space - for each other, for ourselves, for our kids. Big travel days meant we often missed out on our scheduled listening partnership calls. Rainy days meant lots of time, in a confined space without the ability to take a break from one another. Long bright days, meant long, extended bedtime and exhaustion. I noticed that during this time of extended, uninterrupted, undistracted time together, there was lots of connection, and also lots of rupture. Of default parenting strategies rearing their heads, despite us knowing and wanting to do better. Of sibling squabbles and petty arguments. Of past hurt feelings coming up to be heard. It was intense. There was also lots of laughter, games, silliness, fun risk-taking, lightness, connection, and memory making.
Often holidays can bring up big feelings - for all of us. It’s time away from our familiar surroundings, time away from our home comforts, from our friends or family, from routine and predictability. It’s also full of adventure, new experiences, challenges and needing to be flexible. We can place high expectations on ourselves and our kids to enjoy it all the time and feel like good days are ruined if it ends (or starts) in tantrums, raging, whining or crying. And…this is all part of it. All part of our human experience - we feel the full spectrum of things whether it’s convenient or not sometimes! And the crying, raging and big feelings being allowed and having space held for them is what helps us come back into homeostasis (balance).
The strategies that worked for us over this time were - keeping our listening partnerships as much as we could to help us offload what was coming up for us, enabling moments for the other parent to have some time alone, getting in the water, getting outside, taking things off the itinerary and being ok with doing less, playing games together (cooperation ones particularly), connecting before bedtime with each child separately and then all together, being ok with connecting as a couple or doing things separately after bedtime (whatever felt most rejuvenating at the time), splitting up tasks and also working together to share the load of the logistics, repairing with each other and showing love and compassion for all.
What is highlighted for me (which is not new news!) is the importance of support around us to be able to continue to show up how we want to for our kids. It’s essential to our wellbeing and it spans much wider than .
The Aware Parenting Support Circle - changes!
If you want a community you can fully rest in for 2025, please consider joining our Aware Parenting Support Circle - I’m calling in 14 of you to join this beautiful community - are you one of them?
Complementary listening session:
I’m excited to extend my offer of a complementary 30 minute listening session with me prior to the circle starting if you sign up before 22 January 2025.
New dates:
I have adjusted the circle’s dates by one month. The circle will now start on Wednesday 12 March and the final session will be Wednesday 8 October (it is still 8 months just running from March - October instead of February to September).
Registrations closing:
Registrations will close for the circle on Sunday 9 February 2025.
More info:
Read more here: https://www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support-circle
Or sign up here: https://www.honouringmama.com/book-online
Or contact me direct if you’d like to set up the monthly payment plan: kirstymfernandes@gmail.com
Birth Debriefing:
I overheard some older women sharing their birth stories at the hot pools the other day. I watched as younger ones eagerly listened and absorbed it all. Our birth stories stay with us for our whole lives - what happened, who was there, what was said, and mostly, how we felt. It is never too late to process and heal from your birth story, it’s never too late to feel heard and validated in your experience. Birth is a portal that we travel through (every time) and we come out the other side forever changed. If you feel ready to have your birth story heard and held, please reach out to me: https://www.honouringmama.com/birth-debriefing
Māmā melody for the month:
A lovely meaningful melody to kick the year off - I Am by Satsang.
Thank you so much for being part of my community. I appreciate you!
Sending you so much love and compassion, you’re doing amazing,
Aroha nui,
Kirsty
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